The Spirit of the Game

I am an AYSO soccer referee. And this is playoff week in my region, region 214, South Pasadena, CA. I have refereed a game or two every night this week so far, with several more games to go until Championship Sunday.

Playoff games are always a little more intense than the regular season. There seems to be some extra incentive to do well and to win. "We could be the champions!" The players feel it. The coaches feel it. The parents feel it. Especially if it is their first time in the playoffs.

Last night I refereed a Boys Under-10 playoff game, which means boys that are 8-9 years old. There are no playoffs for AYSO players that are younger than that, so this was their first taste of the playoffs. It was very cold in the Arroyo Seco last night, with temperatures dipping down into the 30's. Parents huddled together, and sipped coffee. Instead of the ever-present Gatorade, kids were drinking hot chocolate.

The game went back and forth, up and down the field, with no score at halftime. The second half was more of the same. So was the first overtime. And the second. At the end of two overtimes, the score was tied, 0-0. With each passing minute, the tension for the players and coaches and parents, (and referees!), mounted.

I was very impressed that the parents and coaches were pretty positive all game long. I commented to the coach on my side of the field that he was the quietest coach I had ever heard, or not heard! In fact, I heard the coach from two fields away, but not the coach right next to me. He just kept encouraging his players. When the ball entered his team's penalty area, he did not appear worried. He did not yell and scream, "Kick it out!" When his team did clear the ball from the area, he just barely shouted, "Nice job, boys." The other coach was a little more vocal, but also unfailingly positive.

In AYSO, we settle these games with kicks from the penalty mark. Five players from each team each take their turn trying to kick the ball past the goalkeeper into the goal. Green made it. Blue missed. Green missed. Blue missed. Green missed. Blue made it. Green made it. Blue made it. Green made it. Blue missed it. All of a sudden, this epic struggle was over.

Now usually, as soon as the last goal is made or missed, the winning team jumps up in the air and hollars for all they are worth. Not last night. The center referee blew his whistle, signaling that the game was over. We then walked over to the coach of the green team and said, "Coach, the game's now over, your team won." He replied, "Really? Hey guys, did you hear that? We won!" Then the celebration began in earnest. The losing team was very gracious in defeat, and the players shook hands at the end of the match.

I loved the coach's reaction. It portrays the spirit of the game. It is about competition. It is not always about winning or losing. The playing is the thing. Sometimes the better team loses. Sometimes the better team wins. But playing with passion, and honor, and dignity, and joy is enough.

Focusing, as we Americans do so often, solely on winning can be counter-productive to development of players, but also the benefit of their/our character. Personally, I would rather see a player make the right play, and not score, than make the wrong play, and score. When I see a good player dribble the ball from one end of the field to the other, leaving defenders futilely flailing in his/her wake, and then scoring, I shudder. Most often, at several points of the run, the dribbler would have been better served by passing the ball to an open team mate for a shot. Soccer is, after all, a team game. To do it all oneself may be the road to victory, but it short circuits player development and character development. It is not all about "me", it is not even all about "the team". It is about soccer, learning to play well, to play safely, to play fair, and to have fun. And it is no fun to have a "ball hog" on the field.

The coach's reaction, "Oh, we won?" indicates that he gets it. Trophies are not his primary concern. Wins are not his primary concern. The safety and growth and enjoyment of his players is his primary concern. What a wonderful game! What a great coach! What lucky players and parents to have him as a coach. He exhibited the spirit of the game last night. What a lucky guy I am, along with the other two referees, Scott and Scott, to witness this.