The Last Day

Today was my last day as pastor of Faith United Presbyterian Church, where I have served for ten years. My first Sunday was February 5, 1995, when I was in my 30's. Do the math correctly, and I am now in my 40's. Ten years is a long time.

I had no idea what to expect. I knew that we would do some singing, as I was part of the worship team that included guitar (me), bass (Mark), piano (Sandy), and drums (Dave). My daughter, Rachel, also sang with us. Our small congregation was joined by the local Filipino congregation, and so the singing was richer and fuller and louder than it might normally be. It was inspiring.

During our prayer time, there were tributes from pastor Manny, pastor Steve, and my Executive Presbyter, Tom. Each of them had some very nice things to say about me and the influence I have had on them. It was a strange experience, really. I found myself wondering who they were talking about. It could be my midwestern "modesty" genes kicking in. As a kid, in class elections, it was drummed into us never to vote for yourself. I knew I had done many of the things they described. But I did not know either the affect or the effect it had on them. I was touched.

After these things were said, the elders and pastors gathered around and prayed for me. I was touched by their concern, and their heartfelt love for me. But I still felt unworthy.

Strange. why the trouble accepting people's love and affection for me? Granted, it is not always spoken or shown. And yet, part of me holds back. Something to converse to a counselor about.

After worship was over, there was a, what else, potluck. We had lots of food, some of my favorite food, too. When the food was mostly gone, there were more things presented to me, and my family. Some cards. Some gifts. Some words of thanks. It was hard to believe that I was actually leaving this place!

Former intern, Jan, and current intern, Niki, were marvellous. They did a superb job at organizing the farewell, even as they lose a mentor. Isabel came all the way from Arizona just to attend. She had been a member of the church since 1924! Ann came all the way from the OC to attend. It was wonderful to see them.

Before eating, I found my son in my office, shedding a tear or two. Or maybe, given the Stochl family rule that men don't cry, it was allergies. I think he was tired, as he had been to the Winter Formal the night before, and gotten home at 1:00 a.m. But I was moved that my leaving would affect my son so much. We have not talked much about my leaving, but we have talked it over as a family. Change is hard. And I regret the pain that I am causing the church, and my own family. But I think this change will be good. Still, I have a deeper appreciation today for my wife and son and daughter, even if rooms are not clean and the dishwasher is not emptied. They have been wonderful.

So, ten years of work. I have a day or two back at the office to clean up, and tidy up some loose ends. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve at Faith United. I learned much. I made many mistakes. I did some things right. And I grew to love the people, though I showed it more through actions than through words. I am trying to savor te moment, and leave questions about future calls unanswered right now. God knows where I will wind up. My fear says I will not wind up anywhere, that my usefulness is at an end. My faith says, there is a place for me, and fruitful ministry still ahead. But I will not try to answer these just yet. An emotional day, and a celebratory day. I think my tenure at Faith ended on a good note.

Tomorrow, I am speaking at the Presbyterian chapel at Fuller Seminary. I hope to speak about the spiritual discipline of service, and also about serving in the presbytery. Riveting!