Grateful and Bitter?

Almost a year ago, Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana and Mississippi. Thousands were left homeless, having lost everything. One such person was Keisha Moran, who was pregnant, unmarried, 23 years old, with a 4 year old and an 8 month old, living with her boyfriend, father of her third child. Another link here. (H/T Presbyweb, thanks Hans!)

After losing everything, she appeared on Oprah. A church in Illinois reached out to help. The church restored its manse, and allowed her to live there. Details get a bit hazy after that. The church did or did not try to formalize an agreement with Moran after the initial December 31st deadline. Then the church did or did not try to work out a more formal agreement in the last 7 months. The church did or did not allow her to stay rent-free. The church did or did not pay her utilities. The church did or did not have some requirements for her to stay rent-free, like go to school.

But this much is clear. Moran had her third child in the last five years in April. Her boyfriend left soon after moving to Illinois. And Moran feels bitter about the whole experience.

When I read it, I could not believe this quote:

"I still have no words to thank them enough for what they did for me when I came here," Moran said. "But I am very bitter."

Maybe it's just me, but the words "thank" and "bitter" do not belong in the same sentence. It seems to me that "thanks" is used most often as an expression of appreciation for some extraordinary gesture. Gratitude expects nothing of the giver, and yet remains thankful for the gift. Moran has been given a great gift, at great cost to this 100+ member congregation in Illinois. And yet, she is "bitter?"

What did she expect? That the church would adopt her and pay for her the rest of her life? She is only 23, certainly enough time to go to school and learn to be productive.

Perhaps she is bitter that she now needs to make some life decisions, and actually have some responsibility. As I read it, her life shouts out "irresponsible". Three kids in five years? Two different fathers, neither of whom is around nor paying any sort of support. She quit her job because the church would not provide daycare?

Sorry dear, move back to one of the FEMA trailers your other family members live in. And take your ingratitude with you.

At Faith United, we had more than our share of people we supported through crisis, who then either prolonged the crisis due to their own inaction, or took advantage of our good faith gestures by being irresponsible.

And we learned some lessons that this church in Illinois probably learned, or is learning. The most important is to have a written agreement of the conditions under which the church will provide whatever it provides, and an agreed upon list of expectations. With consequences.

It sounds as if the church volunteered to house Moran and her kids for a year, an extremely generous offer in my mind. I have no idea what was agreed to about utilities and food, etc. But knowing churches as I do, this church probably welcomed her with open arms, and was extravagently generous to her at the beginning.

And yet, the church was not just concerned about her current welfare, but her future as well. They most likely started putting some expectations into the equation, which I would assume were not met. So, the woman and children are being evicted in about three weeks.

She has a choice. She can continue to play the victim card and continue to live an irresponsible lifestyle, or she can become responsible, make good decisions benefitting herself and her children.

Still, I think the church did the right thing, but they did it not wisely. Extending the care and comfort of Christ to those in distress is part of the church's calling. My prayer is that Keisha Moran gets her life together for the sake of her children, and that the St. Paul United Church of Christ in Palatine, Illinois does not become bitter about this, but wiser in their compassion for the next person they help with this sort of situation.